Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry, Merry, Quite Contrary

           Every once in awhile I decide that I am probably an amazing photographer who just hasn’t had time to realize my hidden potential. I also feel this way about baking, cooking, making money, raising children, and blogging. However, there is one area that I have always failed at: sending out cards. Of any kind. Thank you cards. Invitation cards. And yes, Christmas Cards.
            When it comes to sending out cards, I am a victim of the classic procrastination/shame cycle. I start out with the best of intentions, gathering addresses, making lists, feeling motivated and mature and responsible. I can do this! I will send out the BEST cards EVER! Everyone I know will be impressed and want to be my best friend and bring me cookies. I will be COOL.
            And then SOMETHING happens, probably involving teething or groceries or deadlines or a marathon of Doctor Who reruns, and I get behind. I try to remain optimistic. I still have my list near the top of the pile on my desk, and the addresses are saved …somewhere. I most definitely have beautiful blank cards in a shiny box sitting on my desk just waiting to be written on, which I plan on doing tomorrow, or next week.  Eventually so many weeks have gone by that I am too embarrassed to send anything because the chances are the event has already past, or was so long ago that the recipient won’t remember what the card was for. 
            Which is why at the beginning of this week I had a panic attack regarding the fact that we had two beautiful children and NO CHRISTMAS CARD. I had a stack of the most-awesome-cards-ever from other mothers who somehow are managing to raise their children and fulfill their roles as functional adults with jobs and cards and mailing lists. You know who you are ladies, and I tip my imaginary hat to you.
            This is where my dubious genius in photography comes into play.  It was only a few days until Christmas, but I decided I could at least post a most-awesome-christmas-image-ever on my blog and maybe no one would notice I hadn’t mailed anything. I sneakily dressed the girls in cute outfits, (since they can smell a special occasion a mile away and will save up all vomit and diarrhea until it arrives) and broke out my camera.  Then I casually asked Thing 1 to sit by the Christmas Tree.
Apparently that area of the floor is actually a death trap full of rabid elves, because this was her reaction:
"Not the Christmas Tree! Dear God Nooooooooo!"

I mentioned that she could hold her sister if she did, which she translated as death by electrocution:
"My own Mother has betrayed me!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh!!!"

And that I would let her have some chocolate, an offer which was so far beneath her that she chose to leave the room in a gloriously dramatic fashion:
"This is what I think of your cruel attempts to bribe me..."
( I’m not sure if this one is blurry because she is moving or because the camera is shaking from my unsympathetic laughter.)

            The end result being that THIS is the best we could do for a Christmas Card. The sparkly blurs are the Christmas tree, the pink/gray blur is Thing 1, and that black/white/pink blur in the middle is Thing 2 in her swing:
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"


So whether you have Tyrants or Angels, Dogs or Cats, or blessed SOLITUDE,
Happy Holidays from my house to yours!



(Next year I’ll send you a card. No, really. The Most-Awesome-Card-Ever! You’ll see!)


1 comment:

michelle said...

thank you for this post. thank you. as you may or may not remember i had a gift to mail to you when Thing 1 was born. i never did. so i was going to mail you a package when Thing 2 arrived. i never did.

it is embarrassing. i sit here eating cookie dough and watching the x-files after my child has gone to sleep. i should be working on his neglected baby book. doing dishes. getting your package in a box and ready to mail. SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE....

p.s. if you need some cards for next year i have a TON of extra cards - evidently i think i know way more people than i do. you could just paste Thing 1 and Thing 2's faces over crosby's? of course i will never get these cards mailed to you so i guess you are shit out of luck....

p.p.s. i love this blog.