Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Day of the Mother

I think someone forgot to explain to my infant and toddler just what the point of Mother's Day is. Here is how it's gone so far.
4:00ish AM Thing 1 has a nightmare and a wet diaper and crawls into bed, creating a classic Mom Sandwich. This is the third time tonight, so Tyrant Daddy gives up on sleeping in his alloted 6 inches of mattress and goes to sleep in Thing 1's bed.
6:30ish AM Thing 2 wakes me up to nurse.
7:30 AM Thing 1 wakes me up to ask me if I remember when the "owie fell out of Mia's bellybutton. REMEMBER DAT?" Yes, yes  I do.
7:45 AM Girls roll around on bed being cute.  I decide that I do love them after all.
Tyrant Daddy makes me coffee. I decide that I love him too.
8:00 AM Tyrant Daddy let's me take a shower. By myself. This is a good present.
8:10 AM As I get out of the shower I hear Thing 2 shrieking like a baby nazgul, so I nurse her half naked so that she will stop thinking we are trying to kill her.
8:15 AM We realize Tyrant Daddy forgot to buy diapers yesterday, which gives us about an hour before it will be imperative to run to Target.
8:30 AM Thing 1 gets into the feminine products in the bathroom and leaves them opened all over the living room. I think this is slightly funny. Tyrant Daddy is horrified.
8:45 AM Thing 1 wants to throw all her training pants out the open bedroom window. I threaten her with various punishments while changing Thing 2's diaper. She decides that although she isn't convinced I would follow through, it is better safe than sorry and refrains. I still haven't put on pants.
9:00 AM Thing 2 eats cereal and manages to rub it into her eyes and my hair.
9:10 AM Angelina Ballerina and a bouncy chair are allowing me to sit down and write for the first time in weeks.  I now have pants on (although my children do not, being born nudists), semi-dry hair, a mostly empty cup of coffee, and Tyrant Daddy is getting ready to go to the store.
....and Thing 1 just spilled corn chips all over the floor and is proceeding to eat them very daintily. Time to run!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

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